somehow don feel like facebooking much today...

coz all i can see are friends' posting on news feed wishing their dad happy fathers' day...
it's been almost 10 years since i last celebrated fathers' day...

idk why it's hitting me so hard this year..

sense of jealousy...

reali envy those friends that can have a proper family can celebrate the occasion today... :(

hate my dad for the things that he had done to land this family in this state...

to force me to grow up in such a environment/ family..

to make me have to envy my friends.. something that i absolutely hate to do... to have to envy people for having the things that i could not and could never have... :(

but somehow i miss having a dad sometimes... which means missing him...

not that i wanna...

idk if i'm able to forgive him for wat he did... for the hurt he has brought to me and my childhood...

to make me have to little "phobia"...

but i just want a dad at times to be able to talk to... :(

a dad to care for me...

and a dad that would walk me down the aisle when i get married someday in the future...

maybe i'm thinking too much..

but still... :(

it's always the dad the will walk their daughter down the aisle...

u dont see mothers walking their daughter down the aisle when they marry do you? i guess not... :(

i'm just thinking too much...

all i wanna is a proper complete family.. :(

i know this is so god damned impossible... :(