woots~~ :D

end of the semester!!

nth more to worry and stress me about!!

no more sleepless nights worrying and stressing about projects, assignments, tutorials and all that crap.. =p

but this wont be for long before the vicious cycle repeats itself again.. :(

HAHA!

next up will be my OIP trip to China, Tian Jin... :D

by this time next week i would be already there!

excited much!! :D

leaving on a morning flight and have to report at the airport at 6.30am...

which means i have to wake up like damn early and have to catch the first bus there...

but dont think its gonna be a problem...

coz if i would be able to sleep a wink that will be a miracle!!

HAHA! :D

can nap abit on the plane anw.. =p

shall be back in ard a month's time!! XD

shall get as much rest as i can over these few days

haven reali rested well for the past couple of days due to constant mugging

this is always wat happens to me during exam period..

don want to start study early then last min try to cramp everything and sacrifice my slp.. :(

anw according to the itinerary..

the whole trip is so damn pack la!

everyday oso gt lessons!

sian ttm!

but hopefully will enjoy myself there with my friends!! :D

gonna buy tons and tons of clothes back!

hope i wont used up all my money there and have to end up borrowing from my friends! =p

it's gonna be party time!! woots~~ :D

but was literally stoning there for the whole day lo..

sians...

machiam no mood to study lo...

nth going in... :(

anw almost fainted while i was outside today..

was initially having breakfast with foong oi at the market de...

after eating wanted to go to the washroom...

walking halfway then suddenly this 'upward flow of the blood pressure' rush up to my brain...

thought nth of it... coz always experience this at home and it always pass after a few seconds...

so juz continue walking...

but suddenly i could see... as in my vision blurred out totally...

and there was this irritating ringing in my ears that kept me from listening clearly to my surrounding...

freaking frightening lo...

then couldn't reali feel my legs and all i could feel at that point of time was giddiness...

fell against the wall and used it to stabilize myself..

tried to walk again despite not being able to see a single shit at that point of time...lols... haha!

after two steps when my palms was away from the wall i fell again...

but luckily this time got one uncle managed to caught hold of me from the back...

managed to heard him asked me if i was okay despite the irritating ringing in my ears...

i think i oso hit myself against something lo...

didnt reali knew what i hit myself against coz couldnt see anything then!!

machiam a blind girl la! :(

but oso know that it was pain...

further prove by the bruise that appeared at the spot where i think i knock against... =p

oso gt auntie keep on asking me if i need medical oil...

told them i only one to go to the toilet and one auntie bought me inside...

seriously must reali thank all these kind-hearted aunties and uncles...

otherwise i sure faint in the street de lo.. =p

after awhile managed to regained my sight and hearing...

phew~~ scary much..

haha! :D

went i went back to the table and told foong oi abt wat happen, the uncle that helped me saw me and asked me if i was alright... :)

he oso told me to go see a doctor... haha!

looks like there are still far more kind-hearted souls around.. :)

juz that i haven met them all..

haha! :D hope this wont happen again.. =p

yes.. i do wonder where my 'dad' is sometimes in the middle of the night or when i am daydreaming...

just when i have come to terms with the fact that i could not have a proper dad to accompany me in my growing stages unlike most of the other kids and my friends...

why? WHY?

why do u have to even appear and let my relative spot u... to even see that u are still alive.. that u are still in Singapore?

为什么你就不要死回 malaysia and never let me hear abt u again?

hearing abt this news is seriously not doing me great...

i seriously cant forget that harm and hurt that u have inflicted on me...

depriving me of the childhood that i could have enjoyed and experienced...

instead, i was forced to grow up and mature at such an age...

not being able to be childish even for a single moment...

seriously I HATE U!!

why did u have to appear and bring me into this state of helplessness and hopelessness!! :(

there is nth that i can do!!

on one hand i HATE YOU TO THE CORE!! but on the other hand i have always wished that i have a dad and can u a daddy's girl like all my other friends...

to be pampered and showered with care and concern..

to be able to go on family trips like a normal family that i have always seen outside... :(

and what mama said to me after hearing it oso doesnt help me at all...

it somehow just worsen my emotions like totally.. =.=

not that im blaming her...

i too understand how she feels... moreover what she went through then was a thousand, a million time worse than mine.. :(

but saying to me: "in your dictionary, there is no such word as 'papa'.."

seriously dont u think that these words are abit harsh for me?

though i may have grown up and have fully understand the whole situation... :(

sometimes i just want to disappear from this world.. even for a short moment...

to run away from all this problems!

ALL I WANT IS PEACE!

TO GROW UP LIKE ANY NORMAL KID..

SURROUNDED BY A WARM, CARING AND COMPLETE FAMILY...

WHY CANT I HAVE IT? :(

is it reali too much to ask for?

maybe... maybe this is just too much...

maybe i have asked for this too late.. :(

sometimes i rather that he had died...

died trying to do something to feed the family..

if he was a mother.. i rather he died giving birth to me...

at least this way i would rmb him... for his effort bringing me to this world..

at least either way he had tried had enough to do something that is worthy enough for me to miss him...

i might have been happier... missing him like this...

unlike now... he totally doesnt deserve me to even miss him...

but it's not like i can help it....

coz all i want is a complete family... :(

i might have been happier...

i could have been happier...

i definitely deserve to be happier...

but somehow all this could only be a small dream of mine...

never to be fulfilled.. :(

haven had such fun with her for a long time ald!

was actually 'supposed' to pei her walk walk shop shop de...

but ended up me buy the most things and spent the most!! HAHA!

lunch-ed at mac then went to bugis street to walk walk...

gotten my wallet which i wanted to change for a long time ald...

and we both gt the same one!! yipee!! hehes... =p

i got the purple one and she got the brown one

then walk walk shop shop around...

gotten another sleeveless top and another pair of shorts...

WAHAHAHA!! :D

weather have been so freaking hot and humid these days..

now super obsessed with sleeveless shirt! =p

bought five of them in just a month!! hehes... =p

bought a bag as well...

have been wanting a new bag for a long time ald... =p

spent super alot today la!

bought almost $60 plus out and when home with only $4 left...

WTH!!

HAHA!

needa save up la!!

cant spend anymore next week and the following week ald... T_T

have to save up for my funds for my OIP trip in Sep.. =p

gonna go for more shopping spree in China again!

then when come back gonna go for a dinner spree with jin hui again just as i promised!!

YAY!! :D

heading to bed now...

work tmr again...

sians.. :(

no motivation to work...

but no work no money...

no money no shopping/ dinner spree... :(

think the shopping spree today will push me to work tmr ba!

haha!

considering the amount of money i spent today... =p

nights!! :D

listening to 20 e-port folio presentations of my classmates... :/

luckily mine is over ald...

had my share on Monday itself...

don think i did very well for it though...

coz i didnt had a script prepared with me...

and i only sleep for a freaking record of ONE HOUR!! :(

like =.= only lo...

so tired max and had to impromptu on the spot as i was presenting...

though i think i did not perform as well as i wanted to, but still i think i have done better than what i expected..

HAHA! :D

own personal record broken!!

slept only one hour nia and still managed to present in front of two classes while impromptu-ing on the spot...

HAHA! :D

but sad part is that i didnt managed to finish up all my points... sian!! haha! :D

stutter too much ald... shall try to improve and not stutter so much next time... hehes... :)